Everyone Tells You To Let Go...But They Never Tell You How To Do It

Everyone Tells You To Let Go...But They Never Tell You How To Do It

Everyone Tells You To Let Go...But They Never Tell You How To Do It

Oct 18, 2023

Why is that? Well…it’s because a lot of people don’t now how to do it…but we do ;)!

Have you ever seen a dog with a ball in its mouth? It will walk around for a while holding onto it. If you try to take the ball from it, it will bite down hard…because it’s not ready to let it go. So what makes it ready? As it turns out, there is no innate force inside of us as mammals to do any letting go of any sort. You might be playing tug of war for a few minutes, give up and go get the dog a treat. And BAM! He lets the ball drop and you’re standing there thinking, you wouldn’t give it up just mere seconds ago! Well this time, something caught his attention that was more interesting than holding onto the ball…right? The treat! As humans, we’re walking around juggling all kinds of balls in the air, not ready to let them go just yet…so what makes us ready? There aren’t any people going around handing out treats… Nope, the treat is in the felt experience of letting go, and humans have a hard time imagining what something could feel like. A positive feeling can’t be seen as a prize until it’s actually experienced. What it comes down to is being able to stop juggling for an extended period of time and to start examining the ball! You have to be willing to study the pain, in order to release it. You don’t have to let it go just yet…baby steps! Just start by taking a look at the ball first.

The ability to let go plays a significant role  in personal development and healing. Letting go refers to the act of releasing emotional attachments and negative experiences to achieve a sense of freedom and peace. Humans face an uphill challenge in letting go due to biological and emotional factors. To effectively cultivate the ability to let go, you should look to the following action items:

  • Embracing Awareness and Mindfulness: To start the journey of letting go, individuals must cultivate self-awareness and practice mindfulness. Being aware of one's emotions, attachments, and the impact of holding onto past pain is crucial. Mindfulness helps individuals acknowledge their struggles without judgment and opens the path to healing. By paying attention to the emotions and thought patterns associated with the past, individuals can gradually release these burdens.

  • Exploring the Concept of Unconditional Love: Dr. Lukens theory suggests  that unconditional love is closely tied to the ability to let go. Unconditional love involves accepting and embracing people and situations as they are, without expecting anything in return. By practicing unconditional love, individuals can develop compassion and empathy, which further facilitates the process of letting go. Learning to love without conditions allows individuals to release grudges and resentments that might hinder their ability to move forward.

  • Cultivating Emotional Intelligence and Resilience: Dr. Lukens’ theory  emphasizes the role of emotions in driving human behavior. Understanding and managing emotions are vital for the process of letting go. Emotional intelligence helps individuals cope with pain, grief, and other negative emotioal experiences in a healthy manner. Developing resilience enables individuals to bounce back from challenging experiences and gradually release the emotional attachments that hold them back.

It’s also important to understand the role of education and early development in teaching the concept of letting go. By introducing the idea of letting go to children and adolescents and providing them with tools to manage emotions and attachments, society can potentially foster a generation with greater emotional intelligence and resilience.

Furthermore, the passage emphasizes the significance of recognizing and acknowledging emotional pain. Encouraging individuals to talk about their problems and face their pain in therapy can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and pave the way for healing and personal growth.

The concept of letting go is a powerful tool for personal development and healing. It requires self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and an understanding of unconditional love. By embracing these action items, individuals can begin to release emotional attachments and negative experiences, leading to a healthier and more fulfilling life. It is a journey that requires effort, but with time and practice, individuals can learn to let go and embrace emotional freedom.

Read this white paper by Dr. Lukens on the concept of letting go and see if that doesn’t help you get a jump start on your healing process



The following exercise aims to help you let go of emotional attachments, negative experiences, or unresolved issues by using a tissue as a symbolic representation. By releasing the tissue, you can experience a sense of emotional relief and progress toward healing. Either your arm will give out due to exhaustion or you will make the conscious effort to drop the tissue and let go of the emotional burden it represents.

Materials Needed:

  • Tissues or a couple squares of toilet paper.


  • Find a Quiet Space: 

    Choose a quiet and comfortable space where you can focus on the exercise without distractions.

  • Set an Intention: 

    Take a moment to set an intention for the exercise. Consider what you want to let go of emotionally and the reasons behind it. Clarifying your intentions will help you stay focused during the exercise. Whatever it is you want to let go of, the tissue represents it.

  • Hold the Tissue: 

    Take a tissue in your dominant hand and hold it gently between your fingers. If you can put on a song that reminds you of the person, place, thing, or experience that will help. Or perhaps a television show or something familiar that will conjure the nostalgia associated with that experience. Hold your arm out straight in front of you. As you hold the tissue, imagine that it represents the person, thing, experience, or incompletion you are unwilling to let go of emotionally.

  • Reflect on Your Attachment: 

    Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Reflect on the emotions and thoughts associated with the object represented by the tissue. Allow yourself to fully acknowledge these feelings without judgment.

  • Choose to Let Go: 

    With the tissue in your hand, make a conscious decision to let go of the emotional attachment. Visualize the weight of that attachment being transferred to the tissue.

  • Observe Your Feelings:

    Pay attention to any resistance or difficulty in letting go. It's normal to experience resistance during this exercise, but be compassionate with yourself.

  • Release the Tissue: 

    When you feel ready, either open your hand and allow the tissue to fall to the ground or simply let go of the tissue, allowing it to slip from your fingers. As the tissue falls, imagine that you are releasing the emotional burden associated with it.

  • Reflect on the Experience: 

    Take a moment to reflect on the exercise. Notice any emotions or thoughts that arise after releasing the tissue. Acknowledge any feelings of relief, lightness, or resistance.

  • Repeat If Necessary:

    If you were unable to let go of the tissue, that's okay. The exercise is about the willingness to let go, and it's normal for some emotions to take time to process. If you find it challenging to release the tissue, consider revisiting the exercise at another day and time when you feel more prepared.

  • Practice Self-Compassion:

    Remember that letting go is a process, and it's okay to take your time. Be kind to yourself throughout this journey, and know that with practice and patience, you can gradually release emotional attachments and find healing.


The tissue release exercise is a powerful tool to help individuals let go of emotional burdens and foster a sense of freedom. By using the tissue as a symbolic representation, participants can engage in a tangible and transformative experience of releasing emotional attachments. Remember that each person's process of letting go is unique, and the exercise should be approached with self-compassion and understanding. If you were not able to let go of the tissue then don’t generate Shame about it, otherwise, you’ll have to work on that emotional incompletion too! With consistent practice, individuals can move towards emotional healing and personal growth.

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